The green eye of jealosy

I cant help I get jealous everytime I around some who is pregnant. Does anyone else have that feeling? My three real female friends are all pregnant and I am not. It just makes me so mad sometimes. Here my husband and I had been trying for so long and nothing....they just start trying trying and poof they are all pregnant..GRRR just had to vent for a sec...

Moving Forward

After coming to the conclusion that adoption, fostering and donor sperm from family wasn't going to work, I started researching donor sperm from a sperm bank. Over the years I have heard about donor sperm though TV, books and ect but have never known anyone to do the option or really knew anything about it. Without talking to my husband about ( he wasnt ready) I started doing some research online with our medical offices here in town. I found that a local hospital now offered infertility treatment but the prices were outrageous. I kept searching and one of the OBGYN names came up on NW Cryobank website. I started doing some research on the site and really like the idea of a at home insemination. It sounded so much more personal then going to the doctor and having him the IUI. I did a lot of researching that day of other sperm donor banks and to see if IUI at home is really safe and found nothing but good things about. The other sperm banks I found were pretty expensive and you cant do IUI at home. I decided that when the time was right I would bring it up to my husband.

A few days later I finally got up the nerve to talk to my husband about it. After explanation he was fine with idea and probably a little Leary since it would be another mans sperm and he is still dealing with all of this. After that we didn't speak of it but I did some reading and decided I really wanted to get the paperwork in.

However, I was planning on talking to my DH about it but I asked for our friends address as a secondary contact person and he found out that way. It was weird we never went into much discussion about it afterwards. I then saw that we had to pick out the donor sperm and asked him about a few days later. The mistake I made is I didnt ask him the right away, caught him off guard, he said NO and I got upset. ( I know very dumb of me) I started crying and acting like an idiot. I guess the stress of all this gets to me sometimes. He was frustrated, I was frustrated and felt like a big dope. A couple days later after we cooled off We decided to spend a friday evening looking at the site and begin picking out the sperm...

A few weeks later..

The next step of the journey happened a few weeks later. I had taken some much needed time off from work. My husband and I has not really avoided the subject but he was healing from the surgery and didnt need the added stress. He brought up the subject to my surprise. We both still wanted children but now we had to look at other options. Our choices had become Donor Sperm ( from family), Adoption, Foster Care or not to have children. We started reviewing the options. My husband was the one that brought up Donor sperm from family. This way we could still have the genes from his family. However, as we went though the different family members no one seemed appropriate for this. We then discussed the idea of adoption versus foster care. We came to the conclusion that foster care would be a great option for us. I contacted our local state agencies about the foster care process and spoke to a friend that dealt with that in her previous employment. They sent me information on adoption versus foster care. However, what I found out wasnt very promising. In the state that we live in they do everything they can to keep the kids in the home. Fostering would be difficult with our lifestyle. Hubby and I both work and drive over 30 miles one ways and the thoughts of kids coming in our lives short time and possibly get set back to a never winning situation didnt impress either one of us. Adoption would be great but we are looking at least two years, homestudies and finding the right child that fits us. We were back to square one and had hit a road block in our journey towards pregnancy.