The beginning of our journey towards pregnancy.

On June 16, 2008 was the hardest day of my life it was the day that my husband and I found out that we were never going to have a biological child.

About three years ago my husband and I decided that we wanted to have a child as part of our life. We had been together five years and felt we were ready to make this step. The problem that we could be facing is that I have a disability caused by a neural tube defect which could limit my ability to have children. I was ready to take the risk though and so was he. We started our journey the way we are suppose to. My husband and I both got physicals done, I had an in dept conversation with my OBGYN about out plan and he started me on Prenatal pills with extra amounts of folic acid right away. The plan was that I would take the pills for 6 weeks and then my husband and I would start trying.

The six weeks seem to take forever. I remember feeling so exciting about the prospect of becoming pregnant on the very first try and getting to tell our families. This would be the first grandchild for both our sides of the family and the first great grandchild. The thought of going though pregnancy, having a baby shower and all the other activities were so exciting for us. Finally, the six weeks were up and it was time. My husband and I just trying naturally. We didn't do anything special except of course to have relations often. We figured if we were together every day or almost everyday then something would happen. Our first month went by and nervously we waiting until it was time to take the test. I took the test and it came back as negative. Disappointed I also knew this was our first go at it and since its only a 20% chance of becoming pregnant each month that we would keep trying. The next few months we went though the same routines and still nothing. Finally, a year has gone by and I decided to go visit my OBGYN once again to see if he had any suggestions.

The conclusion of the appointment showed that I had a tilted cervix which the doctor gave some different suggestions of positions to use. I went though xrays and ultra sounds and they found nothing wrong with me that would suggest it would be hard for me to conceive. They lightly questioned my husband who is a healthy male with no past injury or illness that could cause any issues. My OBGYN suggested that we keep trying and sooner or later something would happen.

All though the year 2007 we kept trying. However, there was much stress in our lives due to our house being remodeled and us only being able to live in part of the house. I was somewhat thankful not to have a child at this time period because there wouldn't be much room for one. Finally, around Christmas the remolding was finished and we were back to old lives again with some additional changes.
Now, this whole time at work my two coworkers and I were dreaming of all becoming pregnant about the same time. I was skepitical about this since my husband and I had such a difficult time conceiving but who knows what may happen. My one coworker was prenant in January and the second one in Feb both getting pregnant on the first or second try. I was really hoping that I would have the same luck in March. By now I have read much information on the Ovulation cycles and getting pregnant. I was basically a pro but couldnt do it myself. March came and we testing negative again. I was so disappointed.

My parents were in town and I would have love to announced that to them during the time they were here. I begin wondering why werent able to get pregnant. I had normal cycles, I have been tested and found out I was able to attempt a pregnacy. SO what was wrong. My attention started focusing on my husband. I knew that I could buy a at home sperm kit to see if he had sperm. I bought the kit and we took the test. To our surprise the test that he had a low count. Well after taking both tests and finding this out we decided to get an second opinion from our doctor. Sadly, the test results we got from the doctor showed even worse. It showed it as a zero sperm count. My husband was devestated by the news and it was suggested that he go talk to a urologist to discuss to see if they could find any answers on why he has a zero sperm count.

Of course at this time when we got this horrible news our best friends who were supposedly unable to conceive found out they were pregnant.

Our meeting with the urologist came with more questions then answers and a lot of frustrations. My husband still had a zero sperm count and there was no explanation. The worse part of the whole thing to even find out if his body made sperm he would have to go though a testicular biospy. Now, at this point we would have done anything to find out our results. We decided to go though the biopsy and with help of family members who help cover financial costs we set up an appointment with Mayo clinic.

Our first appt with Mayo was just an consultation. There was nothing the doctor could do until he actually performed the procedure. So we scheduled one and two weeks later we were back at Mayo clinic. I tried to be extremely positive the day of the procedure. I kept telling myself that once they perform the biopsy they would find enough sperm that hadn't make it though his system and we would be able to use it to get the child that we so desired. Finally, what seemed like hours the doctor came into to tell us the news. What he told me broke my heart in an hundred million pieces. He told us that no sperm was found and that my husband had primary testicular failure. This meaning that his pituitary gland didn't send the correct signals to his testes to produce the sperm. This could have been caused by a birth defect or a gene that was passed on. On the way home all I could do was cry and feel sorry for us because we would never have our own biological child.

It felt that my life changed forever that day. As we dealt with the anger and sadness of reality of this we would also have to make the decision on what to do with the future of our need to have a child. This is how our journey began and as it leads of to achieving our dream more of this will be added.